dangling your toes in the water

When you're a kid, your parents are always trying to teach you things.  Some of them you pick up of course, but others you completely ignore.  And then, when you're in your thirties, you'll wish that you had paid attention and learned those things. 

My Dad especially was/is always generous about sharing his skill and knowledge with me.  Over the years he has taught me how to drive, negotiate, shingle a house, make my own shoes, compose a photo, and appreciate the luxuries in life.  Still, there are things I wish I had learned from him when I had the chance.  For instance, he used to have a sailboat when I was little, and was always offering to teach me and my sister how to sail.  I was usually preoccupied with dangling my toes in the water off the bow and didn't want to learn how to do anything but just sit there and enjoy the sensations of water and wind and sun.  But now?  Boy, I wish I knew how to sail. 

north shore - mrll 2011

 Recently I've been watching all the nominated films for the Vimeo Awards, prompted by the fact that a very talented filmmaker friend, Millefiore Clarkes, is up for an award in the lyrical category.  You can watch her brilliant and beautiful film, December in Toronto, here. 

Watching all these incredible short films has brought to mind another thing I wish I had really learned from my Dad when I had the chance.  Up until I was around twenty-two, my Dad worked in the film industry.  He started out as a cinematographer, then worked his way into directing, and later producing.  When he began, he did everything himself, so he knew about lighting, art direction, editing, etc., which made him a great leader on set.  I started working with him when I was about twelve or thirteen, and worked on TV and feature film productions large and small right up until he got out of the business.  It was, by then, time for me to get out too.  The film industry in Montreal was a little too fast and furious for the twenty-year-old introvert that I was, and I retreated for years into yoga and free-wheeling travel instead. 

into toronto - mrll 2011

I mean, I learned a lot working on set all those years - I did a tiny bit of acting, worked in production office, and for several years as an assistant director -  but what I really wish, now that I'm interested in it, is that I had taken one of the many chances I had to get behind the camera.  There is so much that goes into making a film, you could easily spend your whole life learning about it.  I suppose, though, that it's never too late.  And inspiration goes a long way to making up for lost time...

what gets in

If you bring forth that which is within you, what you bring forth will save you.  If you do not bring forth that which is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.  ~ Gospel of Thomas

If you can't see God in All, you can't see God at all. - Yogi Bhajan

the one they cut down - mrll 2011

Recently I've had good reason to count my blessings.  A few weeks ago I taught a Yoga & Creativity workshop in Souris, PEI at the Fortune Bridge Yoga Studio.  And then shortly after that I went with some folks out to the Trailside Cafe, which is just about the coziest, friendliest place you could ever want to have dinner & listen to some tunes.  Mitch Schurman opened up with some heart-wrenching songs, and then Catherine Maclellan finished off the night with her usual grace and humour.  I live in one of the safest, most beautiful places in the entire world.  I'm making good headway with my studio practice.  I have an abundance of friends and family who love me and support me.  I am marrying my incredible partner who is also my best friend.  I do what I love as my job.  I love my life, I really do. 

The thing is, though, I have anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, pain, just like anyone.  Having your ideal circumstances doesn't exempt you from carrying the weight that we all carry as human beings.  So, as much as  I would rather insulate myself and not listen to the news and the horrible things we humans do to each other, it gets in.  Worry about what will happen next gets in.  A highway that might get built right through some beautiful, fragile land that I deeply love.  Sorrow for the pain and loss of others gets in.  Today, it's a story about a man beaten to death by another man outside a bar in Halifax.  I don't really know what to do about any of this except to do better in my own life.  Try to be more kind, more available, more understanding, more compassionate.  Try to forgive everyone.  Try to forgive myself.  Try to talk about it, so we all know we're not alone.  Try to bring forth that which is within me, and to say something about what I saw and felt and knew while I was here in this world.  Damn but if it doesn't get rough sometimes.